The Tradition of Satogaeri

Monday, May 12, 2008 at 05:39 by MJD-S in Information
Tags: japan | Comments (5)

When it comes to family support in regards to a new family the responsibility seems to fall very heavily on the side of the woman’s family. UltraBob has posted some of his experience with the tradition of satogaeri - which is the custom of the daughter and child (and maybe the husband) moving into her parents home for a month post the birth of the child.

This practice seems odd to me in that you are faced with going through 2 stages of adjustment - from the hospital/clinic to your parents home, then a second stage from the parents home to your home. Also I’m not sure how this affects the whole bonding with Daddy issue - although UltraBob seems to be throwing himself into as much of it all as he can.

Obviously this won’t be a part of my kid-making experience as my parents have passed away. Conversely I haven’t received much support from Yoshi’s family during my pregnancy - although that may be in part to another Japanese tradition taking place - which is having your elderly parent(s) move in with you. Jmum has offered to pop around and give the kid a bath after he’s born - but what I actually needed help with was things like cleaning and finding out information in regards to services available (ie grocery delivery etc). I didn’t feel like I could ask for help because it wasn’t really offered. So it seems like there isn’t that much of a happy medium between the two experiences of support. Of course part of it may just be the differences in families - I would need to research a wider sample field than just two couples.

The one thing I thought satogaeri would help with would be with stress and possibly post-natal depression for the new mother. I found an interesting abstract on the topic though which says that it doesn’t seem to have much impact on that aspect at all and that the entire practice warrants further investigation.

Of course I am fortunate in having a bunch of wonderful friends who already are preparing to feed me and take care of me, and my brother arrives on May 25 to help out as well. I do hope though that Yoshi’s family want to be a part of things more than they have been - not for my sake but his. They all seem so excited about the kid - but as an abstract concept. Maybe when he finally turns up things will be different.

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I imagine that seeing the child will being them back to the here and now.

Kristen
Location: at the sewing machine
08/05/12 07:05 AM

I’m expect once he arrives they will be utterly enraptured and falling over themselves to be around as much as possible.
One of the problems of being a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman is that everyone automatically assumes that you have everything under control and don’t need any help. Sometimes they need to be reminded that you may need some assistance.

gosh
08/05/12 01:32 PM

That sounds like the American concept of a post-partum doula. A doula is not just a labor coach… if you hire a post-partum doula, they help with whatever you want in the weeks after the birth… whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or holding the baby so mommy can take a shower!

If I lived in Japan I’d come and help take care of you!

Kat
08/05/12 01:40 PM

I’m got good grammar, me.

gosh
08/05/12 02:12 PM

Lots of stuff about babies isnt really intuitive, its learned, and so spengint time with the grandmother is probably the best way to learn it. Depending on the palate of the baby, it can be easy or hard to get him to attach to the nipple, and thats something you learn from experience…

Also, had to pass this on - I was reading about (Flickr) Farl’s baby on his blog and his wife wasnt producing enough milk for the baby so they had to supplement it with bottle milk. I asked Naomi (the wicked step-mother, natural mother of 3, grandmother of 4 and former nurse) about this and she got angry and muttered about the bloody formula companies… She said that “not producing enough milk” is something that can be overcome by feeding more frequently, and introducing bottle milk quikly leads to a further decrease in production of breast milk and the early end of breast milk production. The more you ask your breasts to produce the more they will give, and vice versa.

j-ster
Location: work
08/05/12 08:05 PM

The Tradition of Satogaeri

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